F-I-T-A-A-D-R-I-T-Z

I got this inspiration from my sister. One day, when I and her was on the way to go back to my home. We went to a laundry first to pick up my clothes and put my clothes in there. I'm waiting in my car with my sister. She slept in the car with her legs on the couch and I can't sit properly because of her. Then she suddenly wake up and she mad to me. I don't why or maybe I forget it but she mad at me without any reasons why. Every time she feels uncomfortable or tired. She will always mad and she are so SO SELFISH!!! I wish I could kick out her from the car. So we fought. But she were over control and the only I could do is be quiet and shut my mouth. I kept what I want to say in my heat cause she won't listen and realize it anyway. So that's why I made this song.

Would you close your mouth
And try to listen
Open your mind
Don't get blind
Can you learn to feel... To feel

What people are feelings
Do you realize that you are not only the one who live in this world
Everything isn't always walked in the same way that you want...
Could you learn to accept...
Everything that has happen
Close your mouth and just try find another way to solve...
(Because) The world isn't just about you...

Now do you know...
That your emotions always depends on a situation
And your will never learn how to control it...
Your blocked the way to your dreams
Can you realize that your wish will never come true if you never want to learn...

Do you ever know what I'm thinking?
Can you feel what I've been feeling?
I know what your feeling
Just like the way that I'm feeling
Do you expect people to understands you...
But don't expect many people would understands you...
The only option is you to understands them...

I better close my eyes...
Don't want to look you anymore
I better be quiet
Cause I can't talk anymore...
Does anybody want to hear me...
They even don't care...
Deep inside my heart... I'm always cry

God...
Did you hear me...
I'm crying... Cause my heart are broken...
People won't understand...
Only You... Who Would understand me...

God...
Nobody would hear me... About my feelings...
I can't find another place... To tell...
That I am in love with someone...
Someone that you created
But you just created that person only one in this world
I don't want to lose him...
I never found someone like him before...

Why do I get a love like this...?
I'm to young to fall in love
where I should go if he doesn't want me?
My heart were already taken by him...
My life was incomplete...
Without his love
I'm not sure I could stand...
A life with no love
Oh God please give me the answer to my prayer...
The prayer from a young girl that we're in love...

God...
I can't sleep tonight...
I try to close my eyes but...
Still I can see his face...
Don't want to walk for another day...
I rather choose the time to stop
So I won't have to let go him anymore...
God...
I wish he could love me...
Cause it doesn't seem he reply my love...
Why would I still believe...
He would fall in love with me?
Give me the clue oh Lord...

God...
I want him to be happy...
God...
I want he knows... What I feel for him...
God...
Can he stay with me until the rest of my life...
God...
I wish people would agree... If I fall in Love with him... Can't they see that he is the grace from God?

Thank you God...
Cause you have created him...
I promise myself I would be good to him...
I love him with all my soul...
Give me a chance to be with him...
Please answer my prayer oh God... The prayer from a young in love

Turn on the keyboards
And I play...
Do...Re...Mi...
With my heart all that torn apart...

Take the paper
I began to write
Another stupid song about you
But this time I haven't got another words to put...
I'm running out of words... Of you
To describe you...

This Imperfect Song
I wrote for you...
For a perfect boy who came in my life...
Knocking the door of my heart...

I'm gonna sing this stupid song for you...
I'm sing it loud...
I don't know there is another way for you to know...
So you can hear and know about what I feel... And I sing...

I'm telling you...
You're so beautiful...
Like the moon shines above the night...
I want to tell
You are the angel of my life...
Who's guiding my life to the right path...
And there's no other boy... Who could fit the right pieces of my heart...
There's only you... The Perfect Boy... I Love You

Boy, I could tell... I've been crying of my life...
And when the joy comes in to my life...
Is when you come into my life...
Then you go...
There's pain left in my heart...

So I wrote a song for you...
Thought maybe it wasn't good enough...
For your goodness, your embrace, your grace... In my life...

I don't want to be just friend with you...
I don't want to lose you...
So tell me... If you love me or not...
Don't you ever hide your feelings...
I wish you love me too...


I'm tell you...
You are so beautiful...
Like the moon shines above the night...
I want to tell
You are the angel of my life...
Who's guiding my life to the right path...
And there's no other boy... Who could fit the right pieces of my heart...
There's only you... The Perfect Boy...
I will always... Love You

Love is like a rose...
When It's bloom it was so beautiful...
But it has many thorns
Watch out first when you touch it...

It was so beautiful...
So beautiful that make our eyes can't see...
If the pain are coming from ahead...
I don't know what to do...

If there someone who gives me a rose...
Better keep it red before it go wither...
But someday... It will go wither
As the petals falling down one by one...

Don't want to care...
If my hand was bleeding...
At least I could show that I really love you...
You make my life so beautiful...
Cause it really has meanings
I will try my best... To hold the pain...

Just like a rose that grows in your heart
Waiting to be take by someone
But if you're too long to keep it in your heart
The thorns will hurts you...
So full with pain
All that's left in your heart
Is the scars that won't go...

I'm afraid...
Afraid of you
Something is different about you
(From) The way I used to see you

I don't know
What's gotten me to be like this
I'm confused
I think I am in love with you

Somehow you are special
I never felt this way to you before
But I can't let this feeling
Controlling me
I know this is wrong

Could you stay away from me for awhile
I need time to calm down myself
Cause I don't want this love go so deep
This love is forbidden
No, I don't want you to get hurt in the end
Cause we walk on the wrong tracks
I have to fix this mess
Before it's too late
Could you just walk away...
Cause my love for you is forbidden

I couldn't stay calm
Thinking about you
I'm worrying you
I feel so agitated
When you weren't there with me
I used to be only playing games with you
But now I realize right now
This feeling is real
It's too dangerous to know
That I had a feeling for you
You better go before it's too late

I hope this isn't real
Maybe it's only my crazy thoughts
And I pray this is only a test...

Could you think what I've been thinking and the reasons that I'm walking away from you
And I did it all for you
Could you open your heart to feel what I feel
It doesn't mean that our friendship has to break
What I want is this feeling is gone

Ending : Wish that you and I will stay remain as friends
Wish you would understand me
Wish you could feel what I feel
I wish could change the reality
But I can't do nothing
Can we be together without having this Forbidden Love...

I'm afraid...
Afraid of you
Something is different about you
(From) The way I used to see you
I don't know
What's gotten me to be like this
I'm confused
I think I am in love with you

Somehow you are special
I never felt this way to you before
But I can't let this feeling
Controlling me
I know this is wrong

Could you stay away from me for awhile
I need time to calm down myself
Cause I don't want this love go so deep
This love is forbidden
No, I don't want you to get hurt in the end
Cause we walk on the wrong tracks
I have to fix this mess
Before it's too late
Could you just walk away...
Cause my love for you is forbidden

The other side of my heart are happy
To get a feeling like this
Deep inside I have to admit
It's beautiful
But why it comes out
From the wrong place
Found myself
That I'm stuck with you
If we look closely
We are a perfect piece
But the pictures we've create
It doesn't fit in
I can't force myself
To break the rules
Just because of you

Thousands times
I've been trying to forget you
Millions of seconds
I try not to think about you
Hundreds of words
that are probably I haven't spoken
But there's no way to get back
To the times we're used to be
Together

There are so many wishes
I've been praying
but there's no any answers
There are minutes I spend to imagine
If I could be together with you
But there are the times I try...
Oh I try... To forget you
The only option left is to let you go

But I find it's hard to let you go
The feelings are collide all together
I don't want to let go this feeling
Cause I won't find the same feeling
Like I have for you
Times that are spent still feel so worth it
There's still magic that's left in my heart
Cause I still believe
We can be together

We're still young
that's what you and people say
But does it really matter?
Rather to let myself losing you
There are millions people in the world
I guarantee there's none of them would be just like you

I know that you never want a girl like me
I know you won't ever love me
Wish that I know the reasons why
Won't you ever tell the truth
Knowing that would be better if I just let you go...

How do I suppose to forget you
If I couldn't erase you from my memory
How do I suppose to heal
If I still hold on you
How do I stop being crazy
If I still love you
The only thing I find it's hard to let you go...

What a hot hot Thursday
Even though it was raining outside
The Sweat that sticks on me
I can't stand it but I don't want to move anywhere

Sitting on a dirty old carpet
I can't go to the bedroom
Cause my sister locked the room from the inside
Oh Damn what I am supposed to get through the
Day...

There's no day without a problem
No rest, no stop
It keeps coming
Every time you finished a problem
There would be another that you need to solve
The only thing you need to think about
What is the answer...

I sleep on the living room couch
I don't care if I still wear my uniform
I'm tired of thinking the problem
I rather sleep and when I wake up
I just gotta do what I have to do
Yes I know every problem won't just go away
If I never find a way to end the problem
Just be strong,think and pray
Every problem has an answer

It's been a very long time. I wish I had a time to write more but things works differently forme. Damn I got lots of problems and last 27th October was my 14th birthday. Oh God, I'm getting older now. I should be more wise for dealing with any obstacles In my life but... It seems every time I'm getting older it seems there more problems coming ahead on me and I feel there's no rest. Every day there's a new problem comes and I just need to fix it or move on. But I can't stand living a live like this... You see just today my sister lock the door in our bedroom and the only thing I can do is sit on the carpet and write this post through my phone and my I feel so hot in here. I don't really care about how my body smells like. I need to go to Fuji Film to make a 3 x 4 photo for my OSIS form and my driver won't take me there. I want to take a part in a school organization called OSIS and I need to make a programs. God I really need to solve all these problems and I wish there is someone who's helping me. Oh God I only pray please give me a sign that I'm worth to be in the part of that OSIS organization, If not... Just please melt my father's heart for giving me a permission to go to the vocal courses... AMEN! One thing that I know for sure I have to deal it in order to show people I'm grown up. I have to think like an adult. I believe I can!

I've got schooled into a girls school. Of course there's no boys (except the teachers and staffs, and workers). Even though it's a catholic school and the girls are quite normal here. But there's still a potential which could happen to every girl. A Girl who likes the same the same gender. I've got a friend who have got this circumstances or what we called problem. Let's call her Timi. Timi is my friend who likes a boy and she's a straight girl but she doubt about it because there's a girl who made her fall in love to her. Let's called "the girl" Mia. Mia is actually have an attitude like a boy. She acts like a boy and she reacts or moves or whatever it is... Just like a boy. Unfortunately her physics of course none of other than a girl. I try to convinced Timi several times that she is a girl. Timi always thinks that Mia is a boy who's snooping around the girls school and Oh God sometimes she gets an improvement to be normal sometimes it gets worst. My role for Timi is her psychologist. But it seems I can't help her because these days there's no any improvement for her to make herself feel normal again. Timi has to make a choice. Thank God she still have a self-consciousness that she can't fall in love with Mia and she still likes boy very much. But she's find Mia is so attractive and her persona are somehow pulling her into this forbidden romance. Thank God Mia still don't know about this. I pray Mia would never know or have a same feeling for Timi, even though Timi always prays that Mia likes her too. I can't believe Timi's feeling are already past the boundaries and what she always thinks about Mia is already far beyond of the limits. This problem won't finish until Timi let go Mia. Her decision is the key of the problem. She only have to make an option whether she would stay likes her and make a sin that will stay for the rest of her life or to let go even though I know it's hard but at least it's the best for Mia and herself. We would never know what's the future hold for us if we don't take the action or decision. I really know that It's really hard to make a decision when you're too tired to hold on, but you're too in love to let go. But life goes on and she moves on and if you still hold on to it... You're going to be left out and never move forward for a better future that awaits you. So Timi if you're looking this post remember one thing you could change everything that you have started and make a different ending but maybe you could make a beautiful ending that you won't ever regret rather than an illusion future that you imagine but it wouldn't change the problem or you just making it worst and have a bad... Bad ending. What's in the end? Probably a guilty feeling that will haunts your life AND she left you and never come back again. (Set free the one who you love. If its meant to be, they will come back)

Ini disebabkan oleh diriku dan bapakku.
So, jadi...

Pada hari selasa ini aku ingin pergi dengan temanku.
Ke Artha Gading buat nonton Book Of Eli.

Kata mamaku boleh. tapi harus telp. papa dulu.
Jd BB papaku.

Lalu papaku menelpon diriku dan secara langsung bilang GAK BOLEH!!!
why? karena 3 alasan papa:
1. gw cuma nonton berdua
2. supir gw jadinya bolak-balik nganter ini jemput ini... blablabla
3. gw gk bilang mau pergi jauh2 jauuuuuhhhhhhhhh hari.
Dia bilang seperti ini:

Papa : "Fita,sorry lah ya. kelihatannya Pak Asep susah utk bolak - balik. pasti ada yang terlambat. Fita juga cuma berdua.
Jadi utk yg ini, jangan pergi.

lalu kujelaskan panjangggggggg lebaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrr ttg pergi jam berapa, pulang jam berapa, dan jam2 lainnya.

Lalu ia bertanya apakah hari Sabtu atau minggu bisa.

Kutanyakan pada temanku tetapi ternyata dia tidak bisa.

lalu kubilang pada papa. Fita: "dia gk bisa pa. ada les." (sebenarnya lesnya gw tambahin sendiri karena biar boleh gt dehhh...)

setelah berpikir beberapa saat...


Keputusannya adalah...:
Papa : "fita jangan deh ya. Lain kali atur waktu saja & kasi tau jauh2 hari spy papa/mama bisa atur waktu juga. tolong kasih pak Asep (supir gw) spy jemput zevel (adek gw)

setelah bernegosiasi yang panjannnngggg skali...
Hasilnya begini. Padahal aku sendiri juga sudah berdoa di twitter,dll.

lalu kubilang pada temanku bahwa tidak jadi.
Untung gw udah suruh dia balik.
trus dia bilang.
Teman : "Y ud. Toh gw ud gnt bj ini... loe suruh gw jalan skarang jg gw ud males..."

Kutanya apakah dia marah atau tidak dia bilang...:
Teman: "biasa aj sih.."

But still...
gw gk bisa ngilangin rasa guilty gw ke dia.
mungkin cara yang dapat kutebus adalah...

menulis sebuah lagu untuk dirinya.

Doain smoga sukses ya...

PS: eh tiba2 bapakku BB gw stelah gw ganti2 Status di BB gw. Karena gw tahu pasti temen gw juga kesal minta ampun!!! walau dia cuma nulis status...
Temen: "hhh... Never mind."

papaku Tulis:
Papa: "Sorry ya, papa tdk bermaksud utk tiba2 melarang. Kalau Fita bilang jauh2 hari, papa bisa. bahkan kalau perlu papa akan cuti. jadi tolong fita pahami."

ok...
Tapi untuk apa Cuti?
kan gw mau jalan sm temen gw!
it's weird karena aku seperti cuma satu2nya anak yang kalau jalan2 susah bgt. yang lain tuh bebas kemana aj. sama ortunya No Problem.

Tapi kan gk bs terus2an gini...
I need to socialize with another people also.
Enak ya bs jalan2 brg temen. trus dikenalin temen baru
(especially Cute guys... wuehhehehehe)
mungkin ini akibatnya juga gw gk punya BF... (takdir kali)

Ahh... kenapa ujung2nya cowok terus ya...? padahal gw udah try to prevent thinking about guys... (Nadya pasti ngoceh ttg hal ini)


maybe because of him...

I'm Speechless...

Seriously, Lately i've been thinking about what should I be in the future. Surely it was so hard to choose between buisness and Music. I really2 love to collect money or to investing some more money so i can get more money. I could use it to help people, sharing and anything that could help people. (and Of Course for me too). For music. I love music because i can express myself. whether I'm sad and lonely, and people don't know anything that happen to you. It really2 helps me. I love to sing, write songs and many other things that I can express what i'm feeling about it. but it's so hard to find a word, note, bla bla bla... to make my songs great and people could hear my problems although maybe they don't understand. hmm... How? I really want my songs could be famous like other artist but how? I don't really know... :(

Okay.... so yesterday, on the Valentine's day. It was suppose to be a happy day for me. Maybe get some chocolates, flowers, and all that kinds of stuffs. The day Where people share their love, the day when they confessed their love to someone... and blablabla...
My Friends were Happy about it.(Maybe) but only me.... It was supposed the day when I say happy Valentine to someone, but it's impossible. The Reason why? nahhhhh... It's a long story.
But I remembered about 2 years ago (That's quite long enough). I remembered that I was give chocolates to him and he reply me with another chocolate. That moment was very romantic to me maybe that moment can come just once in your life.
So I just Wrote a song about it. Then it goes like this:

The Tittle : There is No One like You

I got to sleep now
I want this valentine's day already over
Got no Chocolates,Roses, and love
From Someone you hoping for

But this flashback of my memories started like a dream
In The Cloudy Morning...

I already packed up
Put my chocolates into the bag
and I Went to the school

Arrive in the morning
Talking to my friend
Asking for her help
To come with me together to give the chocolate
to him
Hoping He was there in his class

Chorus:
There is no one like you
Could make me so Crazy about loving you
Hope you would see
There is no one who would chasing you like the way i did
I will never let you go
But it doesn't seem you care about me too
Where I can find again somebody like you?

I see you out of class
You wanted to go down the stairs
But before that, I stopped you to walk
I give the bag with full of Cadbury Chocolates
Next in the morning you say thank you three times
then you promised you give me one
Now really I got to go to sleep
Tomorrow is gonna be a hard day
(back to Chorus)

I Wait for that day
But you forget
And I wait and I wait
You didn't fulfill you promises

In The Sunset Evening
I Go Up to upstairs
Then I saw you running through the hallway
But you notice me then you call out my name
I don't know what to do I just ran away
But you shouted and telling me to wait

I come to you
Then you put your bag down
You're trying to find something for me
Then you handed to me
Two bars chocolates of silver queen with a red bow tie over it
I never thought you will fulfill your promise
But I must end up my memories and go to sleep...
(back to Chorus)

These Memories can't be turned back
Well I have to face it for myself
I won't get any chocolate this year
from you, that I've been dreamin' for
I promises to myself... The Promises that you never fullfil
I Will Always Love You
Cause There is no somebody in this world...
Like You...

Hi! This is the First time I've created my blog here... I was in a Bad day. So In the morning I late to come at school, then in the afternoon my novel is taken by my teacher and they won't give it back until the rest of my life.
Then In the evening I got home late because my driver was stuck in the jam, I mean stuck in the roads.
So here I am...
Well maybe I only post some of my stories and my songs that I write in here...
Enjoy!!! XD

-Fita-